Female Bodies: A Weighty Issue
Hypothesis: We have, as a society, such a completely disordered, distorted perception of female bodies that the vast majority of people are incapable of recognising what “overweight” actually looks…
It is absolutely crazy how ingrained this single ideal of female beauty is in our culture.
"We need to stop relying on BMI to tell us how healthy we are…and accept instead that “health” is too complex a concept to be boiled down to a single calculation."
12:30 am • 11 April 2014 • 2 notes
I'm Finally Revealing My Name and Face As the Duke Porn Star
I’ve never been told to die in quite so many ways.
This is important. Belle Knox’s experiences illustrate very clearly the ludicrous hypocrisy that surrounds mainstream cultural ideals of the intersection between sexuality and womanhood.
Some particularly poignant quotes:
"You want to see me naked. And then you want to judge me for letting you see me naked."
"Isn’t that always the way? The porn performer is to be shamed. The porn consumer is to be celebrated."
"The question I am asked over and over again is this: If I am proud of being an adult performer, then why do I "hide" behind this fake name?
Because the bullies of the world — starting with that young Duke man who broke his promise to me — do not dictate my life. Because my decision to do porn does not somehow mean that the world now “owns” or deserves access to every single thing about me and every choice I make.”
1:49 pm • 8 April 2014 • 1 note
An outline for loving relationships, a doctrine for intimate revolutionaries & relationship anarchists, and a reminder to myself to live each day authentically.
- I respect that each connection in my life will find its own right place, time, and spirit – with an appreciative understanding that each connection evolves in unpredictable ways.
- I realize and value that there are all kinds of love, and not all of them are sexual. I will be open to all expressions of love. I will give and receive love freely and often.
- I do not believe in placing arbitrary limits on myself or others based on an understanding of love as a finite commodity. I firmly believe that the more love I give, the more it grows and that people have an unlimited capacity to love.
- I will strive to be aware of how social conditioning is affecting my responses to love, and work towards breaking bad habits so that love can be redefined, explored, and expressed without hindrance.
- I appreciate that each expression of love is special. I recognize that all love has value and that one kind of love can never be better than another.
- I will keep my heart open to receive love. I will keep my heart open to give love. I will not be afraid to explore and express love frequently in multiple ways. I will be open to vulnerability and intimacy. I will lower my shield to let love in and will slow down and listen when my shield goes up.
- I understand that people have varied needs, that one person cannot fulfill all needs of another, and it is our responsibility to express and get our own needs met. I recognize that this builds community and connection, which is the goal and helps to spread love.
- I will encourage those I love to love more. I will be supportive when someone I love finds love or expresses love. I will look inward if any expression of love causes me to feel threatened or insecure. I will be open to being told I am not being supportive.
- I will examine my own fears and strive to not let them get in the way of expressing and experiencing love. I will listen with an open heart if someone’s honesty hurts me. I will strive to always respond with grace and speak authentically.
- I believe in being open to change and fluidity in relationships, even when it hurts. I believe love is the absence of guilt and fear. I believe love is acceptance that love involves choices.
- I recognize that love can become strained, love can be withheld, and love can be painful. I will strive to be honest with myself and others in order to remain compassionate to myself and others.
- I respect that love fosters deep bonds, and that expressions of love should be encouraged without the fear of threatening someone else’s comfort. I believe that compassion, safety, trust, and respect are essential to maintaining love.
- I believe that self-love is essential, and without it, love is impossible.
Great list. Some of which is a work in progress for me.
3:10 am • 2 April 2014 • 209 notes
“Have you ever heard the phrase cockblocking? You know, you’re at a bar, talking to a girl, and what happens? Her less attractive friend comes over and ruins everything. Cockblock. Well I have to tell you something guys: I have been the less attractive friend, and you were NOT cockblocked. I was following orders from my better-looking friend that she did not wanna fuck you. …Girls have two signals for their friends: ‘I’m gonna fuck him’ and ‘HELP.’”
Amy Schumer [x] (via rashaka)
The number of “get me out of here” tactics women have developed and shared to help each other escape from overly-insistent-to-borderline-predatory dudes in public places should probably be enough evidence of the existence of rape culture all on its own.
I especially like how, in the majority of cases, you don’t have to verbally communicate what your signals are to other women. I’ve had women I didn’t even know come save me. Literally every woman recognizes the “Dear god, help me” facial expression, and knows exactly what they should do. We don’t get a handbook for this. We don’t have a sit-down nail polish party where we talk about a standardized woman code for preventing creepers. It’s just part of being a woman.
BUT LOL RAPE CULTURE DOESN’T EXIST.
Yup. I’ve definitely taken strangers by the arm and pulled her aside to go, “Oh my GOD it’s you! How ARE YOU?!? It’s been so long!” and then been like “hey I could overhear that guy who wouldn’t leave you alone so I figured I’d give you an out” and then see their VISIBLY RELIEVED expressions. This is part of girl code, because rape culture is that pervasive.
I once had a girl sit on my lap and say “hey baby” after she witnessed a guy (who was easily 20+ years older than me) hitting on me and harassing me for my number even after I told him I was taken. After he got up and left she asked if I was okay. I couldn’t thank her enough times, I even bought her a drink.
We have done this. In fact, we are this. Because we are asexual and we don’t like alcohol so we never drink, we have gone with friends to parties/places where our sole job was to keep an eye out for everyone and be the permanent ‘aggressive man-sheild.’ Not one of our female friends has ever questioned this or found it all strange. In fact, often once they realized we were willing to do it, it would be pre-arranged. Every guy friend we ever did this in front of or tried to explain to looked flabbergasted. They had no idea that this was a) an intentional thing, b) a planned ahead thing, or c) universal.
Rape culture is the fact that every woman understands this. Male privilege is the fact that no guy on earth seems to know or understand.
I’ve been asked to pretend to be my friend’s girlfriend every time we go out at night, just because she wears clothes that show off her curves and guys won’t leave her alone. They only back off when I put my arm around her and act as if we’re together romantically, and sometimes not even then.
i once ran interference for a friend, only to receive the unwanted advances myself. he wouldn’t back off until my (male) friend literally wrapped me up in his arms and acted as if he was my S.O.
It happens online too. A guy I know started Facebook-stalking me after a recent interaction, and my roommate immediately got on Facebook and told him she was my girlfriend. He thankfully backed off after that.
I can’t count the number of times I have pretended to be somebody’s girlfriend or sister in a bar when a guy wouldn’t leave her alone. Both with friends and strangers.
After reading these, I feel like taking a shower. Because I’m the designated driver pretty much every time, not being a big fan of alcohol, but I rarely, if ever, intervene. And yeah, I’m small and pretty physically weak, but I could put my foot down verbally if it came down to it. I’m just too scared.
You’re probably scared of confronting the guys. And you should be. That’s what this whole post is about. Rape culture is so prevalent and socially accepted as the rule of the land that if someone confronts a guy and tells him directly to back off, someone is getting hurt. That’s why all of the testimonies here are examples of how to deflect. How women all learn methods of pulling a woman away from a situation with a guy who isn’t allowing her to say no, by making up some lie that will get the guy to let her go without sending him into a rage and deciding to teach you both a lesson about knowing your place and submitting to rape culture. Men are dangerous in these situations because all of society backs them up as just a nice guy who deserves a chance, and vilifies any woman who refuses to give him a chance. Women are not allowed to say no. So other women have to rescue the women saying no and pull them away with some made up excuse. Otherwise the situation will escalate and the ones who get hurt are always the women.
Women absolutely have to learn rescue tactics for each other, but it’s kind of funny how we describe really obvious facial expressions and body language as “secret signals.” The reality is that women telegraph disinterest in these aggressive men, making it super obvious, but men choose to ignore it. Total strangers who are just sitting nearby or happen to glace their way will be able to see that the woman isn’t interested, but the guy making the advances is somehow oblivious? Unlikely.
2:59 am • 2 April 2014 • 157,507 notes
I’ve just been feeling sad all week
Sometimes the only real strategy for getting out of a slump, is just to ride it out.
Focus on the people and things that make you happy in your soul.
1:25 am • 1 April 2014 • 7 notes
Uhhm, yeah. That’s about as hot as it gets.
Damn, she looks like such a bitch in the first panel. Then, in the second panel, how she grabs his head and pushes him back down.
This is being tucked away for reference and clarification.
Any idea what this is from?
(Source: swedishfishrule, via lady-fett)
1:23 am • 30 March 2014 • 32,046 notes
In case you are a fan of same sex unions, weddings in general,or are just really itching to know what I look like (or my wife, as I haven’t posted a picture of her yet[she’s the adorable one in the suspenders]) here’s the promised wedding picture spam.
Best day of my life.
6:15 pm • 29 March 2014 • 152,379 notes
That’s my kind of afternoon!
Nice and big, and showing lots of steps. Your instructor/gtf must love you.
6:13 pm • 29 March 2014 • 10 notes
Developing a Positive Mental Attitude
1. Remind yourself that you are NOT your feelings.
2. Don’t sweat the small stuff; choose to focus on what matters. Ignore or overlook the petty things, and grievances.
3. Feel the power as you learn to take control of your reactions. You’re not just a puppet,…
I need these reminders and frequent bits of advice.
11:18 am • 29 March 2014 • 3,728 notes